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[personal profile] johnny_dog
As I haven’t posted since May 8th, and the cause of my absence was not depression this time, I figured I would try to at least catch up on the major stuff.

In short: sex drive dead, D&D games going well, been sick too much, financial & work stress getting to me, strained myself pretty bad pouring cement, got news that my maternal grandmother wont be with us much longer, and most importantly: I LOVE YOU KUPOK!!!

For the verbose version:

Ever since Kupok went to Washington for a week, my sex drive has really decreased, with the exception of a few days of hyperdrive when an old love of mine was visiting with us. I have now avoided several opportunities for play, with the exception of play with Kupok, but that doesn’t happen very often anyway so it can’t really count. This old mutt hasn’t even pawed off since Sunday night and don’t really feel the desire to right now.

My biweekly D&D game has happened for like 3 weeks in a row and everyone is having a great time. I have even been trying to do a little more pre-game work and have some more neat surprises ready for the party, though this continues to be a mostly improvisational campaign. (My ability to do improve games was a great asset back in 90/91 when I officially did online games for TSR on GEnie.)

Some of it has been the fuck-it flu, but I have been genuinely ill too much as of late. It is strange – the more I do to try to get healthy the more often I am ill. Ah well. At least right now I have been over things for several days and I am doing well. Hopefully my health will last for (and through) this weekend’s convention!

As always, I am experiencing a lot of financial stress. I know that I will be stressed out over my finances for at least another year or two, until I have Home Depot and Citibank credit card paid off. Home Depot was down to $200 (from the $3,500 it was this time last year), but I just put $180 back onto it to pour cement over the 3-day weekend. Unfortunately I might have to put more on it in a few weeks as I lost some more tiles in the downstairs shower and I am going to have to wear all the tile work out and redo it (but not with tile!). With three people in the house currently unemployed, any household repairs or emergencies come out of my pocket. One of the three is close to getting a job, but being delayed. So far there are no strong offers for the other two, but I keep hoping they will get lucky. One of them especially needs the self confidence of finally getting a job and having fully reintegrated into society, even if it is no more than a fast food gig. Anyway, as it is, I am going to have to use credit to pay for Kupok and me to attend the convention this weekend, plus anything we wish to buy. Still, this is Denver’s first furry convention and I am not going to miss it!!! Plus I have been too anti-social as of late and I hope this will help.

As I mentioned, we poured cement over the weekend. The plan was to rest Friday and prep for the D&D game Friday night and Saturday day. Saturday we were to play. Sunday we were to pour cement. Monday I was to have lunch with my Mom and heal. What happened was a hard drive failure in our backup RAID at work on Friday while moving to a new server caused me to have a cascading chain of problems that led to me being at work until around 9:30 AM Saturday (22 hours). I couldn’t really run a game Saturday but I was able to get some prep work done. We ran the game Sunday, playing for 11 hours! Monday Kupok and I met with my mom and my cousin (with her 18-month old daughter) for lunch. That is when I heard about my grandmother’s condition (more below). After that Kupok and I went to home depot and I bought a pallet of 60-pound bags of cement mix. Did you know that 56 60-pound bags weigh too much for a 1986 Ford Ranger? I hadn’t done the math. But we did it in 2 loads. With Kupok’s help moving bags of cement (about three times total) BJ and I poured nearly 2,000 pounds dry-weight of concrete. Needless to say, I have been in physical agony all week as this was the first major use of my muscles this year.

My maternal grandmother was once a teacher and always a scientist and intellectual. Several years back when she said to me that she didn’t want to learn anything new anymore, I knew that she was tired of life and ready to die. As a life-long chain smoker, she has destroyed her body at the early age of 76. She ended up in the hospital twice last week, is refusing to use the oxygen, still smoking, and only half her heart is working. The doctors offered hospice, which is usually only offered when life expectancy is less than 6 months, and that was assuming that she would use the oxygen. To make matters worse, she had a minor heart attack when her father died, the day before my wedding back in 1993. One of her sisters, with whom she was very close, died not too long ago and on the 11th there is going to be a memorial service for her in Colorado. There is a very valid fear that the emotional strain will be too much and she will pass out of this life at that time. My grandfather would already be dead, but he has been holding on for her. Once she is gone, I expect him to go off his heart medication and go for one last hike in the mountains. His death will DEVASTATE my mother, who still hasn’t fully recovered from my father’s death back in 2001. Next weekend I am planning for Kupok and I to be driving over to Montrose to see my maternal grandparents for what will probably be the last time. My paternal grandmother will not be in the area, so I will miss out on seeing her, but then her health is fairly stable right now and I hope to have many more visits with her before she crosses into the next reality.

I can never say often enough just how much I love Kupok and how much he means to me. My favorite slave/pet of all time, Soro, did an absolutely wonderful furry commission of Kupok and I together. I so need to get it printed out and on the door to our room (at least until the original arrives), which will get framed and hung. I wish I could find some laser-printer iron-on shirt transfers; I’d use the image to make Kupok and I each a shirt for one of the days of the convention!!!

And there you have it.
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